Skip to main content

My Place

I am trying to find my place in the world. Two years ago, I changed jobs. I have always defined myself as a teacher. It's not what I do, it is who I am. So when I moved to the district office, to the "dark side" as my teacher-friends called it, I felt a bit lost. A few months after changing jobs, my husband and I made the choice to buy my childhood home. He was all in, and I was hesitant. Life, I know, is always about change, but I am just so tired of moving forward. There is something to be said, too, about breaking out of the world you know. Am I making my world too small, to move back to where I began?

The move was hard. I left my neighbors and friends, the people who have known my children since that very first day. The first day we walked into church as a family of six, all my little boys were wearing boots. One of them had pee down the front of his pants. Buzz cuts and new socks and hesitant smiles. We walked into that room and said, "Hey. We're parents now. Can you help us out?" And they did. That 10th ward was so wonderful, so good to us. When I think of living in Nebo Heights, I think of peach pies and moonlight walks and hanging out in the front yard as neighbors. That is, truly, where I feel in love with my husband. It is where we wiggled around trying to find the right fit as parents. We were so fully embraced, our family was so fully LOVED. And I knew that everything would be alright.

I moved out of my classroom (my second home) and into an office that is comfortable and well-lit and lonely. My job is amazing, and has allowed me to travel all over the nation, connect with beautiful people, and learn incredible lessons. I have become braver, more willing to speak out loud and share what I believe. I am finding my voice. I know that I would have happily been in the classroom for years and years, and will happily go back to the classroom if and when the time is right.

But goodness, I am grateful to be where I am. I have had the chance to learn and grow and become more than I once was. I just haven't quite found my place.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Most importantly

I have been a Primary teacher for the past few years. I like it a lot because it gives me a chance to know kids in the ward that otherwise would be strangers to me. And, I am learning all sorts of lessons about love and patience and what it might be like to teach my own children gospel principles. Last week during the final meeting, we had a mini-lesson that gave every person in the room a chance to stand up and "fill in the blanks" of the following phrases. It was beautiful, and I decided that I would use it to frame tonight's blog post. My name is __________________.  I [like to] __________________, but most importantly I am a child of God.  I like the idea of it, this one simple [and enormous] thing that everyone could testify of. Tender. My name is Krystle. I like to wash dishes and organize things, but most importantly I am a child of God. My name is Krystle. I make mistakes more often than I would like, but most importantly I am a child of God . My...
5 comments
Read more

Valentine's day, kind of

Today is Valentine’s day, kind of. As I began to get ready this morning, I was struck with a feeling of familiarity, a bitter-sweetness that was striking and unshakable. I have celebrated Valentine’s day as a single woman. There is a loneliness that latches on, a cloud of something missing that looms over the day. On that day, above others, a single person FEELS single. And those feelings can go a few ways: a) Bitterness at those who have someone to share the day with OR b) Hope that next year might be different On every single Valentine’s day, I would always take special care to get ready: do my hair, carefully apply makeup, choose a strategic outfit, all because I wanted to look like someone who could be loved, to look like someone who believed her life could change. And one day, it did. Now, as a married woman, hoping, praying, and waiting to adopt a child, it’s Valentine’s day all over again. I got ready this morning and looked in the mirror, hoping...
3 comments
Read more

Littles

Today, June 29, is the year mark from the day I became a mom. My entire life has been a series of tender mercies. I am still convinced that I was given my scholarship to Westminster simply because Heavenly Father knew that as a teenager, my tendency was to give up if things were too hard, and He knew I needed to be a teacher. When I moved to Nephi, I was given a great job simply because the Lord knew that I needed to be HOME in order to sort out the mess I was making of my life. It worked. Shortly after falling in love with Blaine, I became his Mrs. without hesitation. Our relationship is now and always has been EASY. We knew that we could build a happy life, that we could build a beautiful forever and so we did. We are. We found an incredible home with room to grow. Purchased at auction, we marveled at the home and tried to think of how we could possibly fill five bedrooms. A tender mercy. In February of last year, my sister called and talked to me about a possible ...
3 comments
Read more