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My Place

I am trying to find my place in the world. Two years ago, I changed jobs. I have always defined myself as a teacher. It's not what I do, it is who I am. So when I moved to the district office, to the "dark side" as my teacher-friends called it, I felt a bit lost. A few months after changing jobs, my husband and I made the choice to buy my childhood home. He was all in, and I was hesitant. Life, I know, is always about change, but I am just so tired of moving forward. There is something to be said, too, about breaking out of the world you know. Am I making my world too small, to move back to where I began?

The move was hard. I left my neighbors and friends, the people who have known my children since that very first day. The first day we walked into church as a family of six, all my little boys were wearing boots. One of them had pee down the front of his pants. Buzz cuts and new socks and hesitant smiles. We walked into that room and said, "Hey. We're parents now. Can you help us out?" And they did. That 10th ward was so wonderful, so good to us. When I think of living in Nebo Heights, I think of peach pies and moonlight walks and hanging out in the front yard as neighbors. That is, truly, where I feel in love with my husband. It is where we wiggled around trying to find the right fit as parents. We were so fully embraced, our family was so fully LOVED. And I knew that everything would be alright.

I moved out of my classroom (my second home) and into an office that is comfortable and well-lit and lonely. My job is amazing, and has allowed me to travel all over the nation, connect with beautiful people, and learn incredible lessons. I have become braver, more willing to speak out loud and share what I believe. I am finding my voice. I know that I would have happily been in the classroom for years and years, and will happily go back to the classroom if and when the time is right.

But goodness, I am grateful to be where I am. I have had the chance to learn and grow and become more than I once was. I just haven't quite found my place.

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