Skip to main content

Valentine's day, kind of


Today is Valentine’s day, kind of.


As I began to get ready this morning, I was struck with a feeling of familiarity, a bitter-sweetness that was striking and unshakable.


I have celebrated Valentine’s day as a single woman. There is a loneliness that latches on, a cloud of something missing that looms over the day. On that day, above others, a single person FEELS single. And those feelings can go a few ways:


a) Bitterness at those who have someone to share the day with OR

b) Hope that next year might be different


On every single Valentine’s day, I would always take special care to get ready: do my hair, carefully apply makeup, choose a strategic outfit, all because I wanted to look like someone who could be loved, to look like someone who believed her life could change. And one day, it did.

Now, as a married woman, hoping, praying, and waiting to adopt a child, it’s Valentine’s day all over again. I got ready this morning and looked in the mirror, hoping that I looked like a woman who could be loved, who believes her life can change.

On this day of all days, a childless woman FEELS childless. And feelings can go both ways:

a) Bitterness as those who have someone to share the day with OR
b) Hope that next year might be different

I choose hope.

Happy day to all the beautiful women who are mothers.
Happy day to all the lovely women who are hopeful mothers-to-be.
Happy day to the men who are given the task of comforting women who have never held a child of their own. 


You are loved. And you are not forgotten. Have hope.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Most importantly

I have been a Primary teacher for the past few years. I like it a lot because it gives me a chance to know kids in the ward that otherwise would be strangers to me. And, I am learning all sorts of lessons about love and patience and what it might be like to teach my own children gospel principles. Last week during the final meeting, we had a mini-lesson that gave every person in the room a chance to stand up and "fill in the blanks" of the following phrases. It was beautiful, and I decided that I would use it to frame tonight's blog post. My name is __________________.  I [like to] __________________, but most importantly I am a child of God.  I like the idea of it, this one simple [and enormous] thing that everyone could testify of. Tender. My name is Krystle. I like to wash dishes and organize things, but most importantly I am a child of God. My name is Krystle. I make mistakes more often than I would like, but most importantly I am a child of God . My...
5 comments
Read more

My Place

I am trying to find my place in the world. Two years ago, I changed jobs. I have always defined myself as a teacher. It's not what I do, it is who I am. So when I moved to the district office, to the "dark side" as my teacher-friends called it, I felt a bit lost. A few months after changing jobs, my husband and I made the choice to buy my childhood home. He was all in, and I was hesitant. Life, I know, is always about change, but I am just so tired of moving forward. There is something to be said, too, about breaking out of the world you know. Am I making my world too small, to move back to where I began? The move was hard. I left my neighbors and friends, the people who have known my children since that very first day. The first day we walked into church as a family of six, all my little boys were wearing boots. One of them had pee down the front of his pants. Buzz cuts and new socks and hesitant smiles. We walked into that room and said, "Hey. We're parents n...
Post a Comment
Read more