Skip to main content

Valentine's day, kind of

Today is Valentine’s day, kind of.

As I began to get ready this morning, I was struck with a feeling of familiarity, a bitter-sweetness that was striking and unshakable.

I have celebrated Valentine’s day as a single woman. There is a loneliness that latches on, a cloud of something missing that looms over the day. On that day, above others, a single person FEELS single. And those feelings can go a few ways:

a) Bitterness at those who have someone to share the day with OR

b) Hope that next year might be different

On every single Valentine’s day, I would always take special care to get ready: do my hair, carefully apply makeup, choose a strategic outfit, all because I wanted to look like someone who could be loved, to look like someone who believed her life could change. And one day, it did.

Now, as a married woman, hoping, praying, and waiting to adopt a child, it’s Valentine’s day all over again. I got ready this morning and looked in the mirror, hoping that I looked like a woman who could be loved, who believes her life can change.

On this day of all days, a childless woman FEELS childless. And feelings can go both ways:

a) Bitterness as those who have someone to share the day with OR
b) Hope that next year might be different

I choose hope.

Happy day to all the beautiful women who are mothers.
Happy day to all the lovely women who are hopeful mothers-to-be.
Happy day to the men who are given the task of comforting women who have never held a child of their own. 

You are loved. And you are not forgotten. Have hope.


  1. Beautiful post. My best wishes to you. Cousin Kass


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Most importantly

I have been a Primary teacher for the past few years. I like it a lot because it gives me a chance to know kids in the ward that otherwise would be strangers to me. And, I am learning all sorts of lessons about love and patience and what it might be like to teach my own children gospel principles.

Last week during the final meeting, we had a mini-lesson that gave every person in the room a chance to stand up and "fill in the blanks" of the following phrases. It was beautiful, and I decided that I would use it to frame tonight's blog post.

My name is __________________. 
I [like to] __________________,
but most importantly I am a child of God. 

I like the idea of it, this one simple [and enormous] thing that everyone could testify of. Tender.

My name is Krystle.
I like to wash dishes and organize things,
but most importantly I am a child of God.

My name is Krystle.
I make mistakes more often than I would like,
but most importantly I am a child of God.

My name is Krystle.
I am …


Today, June 29, is the year mark from the day I became a mom.

My entire life has been a series of tender mercies. I am still convinced that I was given my scholarship to Westminster simply because Heavenly Father knew that as a teenager, my tendency was to give up if things were too hard, and He knew I needed to be a teacher.

When I moved to Nephi, I was given a great job simply because the Lord knew that I needed to be HOME in order to sort out the mess I was making of my life. It worked.

Shortly after falling in love with Blaine, I became his Mrs. without hesitation. Our relationship is now and always has been EASY. We knew that we could build a happy life, that we could build a beautiful forever and so we did. We are.
We found an incredible home with room to grow. Purchased at auction, we marveled at the home and tried to think of how we could possibly fill five bedrooms. A tender mercy.

In February of last year, my sister called and talked to me about a possible adoption. There w…

Day 6: Daddy